Me, Myself, and I am a Mom

I’m a very dedicated, loyal and inexorable person. When I was eleven my perfect world popped, my family and everyone around me changed, and it was very difficult to understand at that age. My parents divorced, my mom had cancer and suddenly a new boyfriend , my brother wouldn’t speak to me and the family I knew was gone. I didn’t know who I could go to, there were so many changes and family that had turned against each other. It was a very strange time for me. But the hardest part was feeling so alone, feeling like I didn’t have anyone to guide me through this new life.I’ve noticed now that I have my own family, the experience has affected me to the point that I am so dedicated to my children sometimes I don’t focus on the other parts of my family- myself or my husband. I think it’s normal as a mom to loose yourself in the mix of becoming a mom, and I know I’m not the only one. But it took counseling sessions for me to realize why I couldn’t think of ever being away from my children  or ever leave their side. Guilty, uncomfortable and scared to leave their side. I felt very alone at age eleven. I didn’t feel like I had a family anymore and from that point on I felt like I needed to emotionally support myself. And it was hard, but it also made me promise to never do that to my children. So now that I am a mother- I never want to have my children experience what I went through. I will always be there for them, always support them and show them that I love them and be there no matter what. And sometimes that guilt or worry to ever fail them can be too much, to the point that I have to remind myself I’m still a good mom if I do something for myself. I’m not neglecting them, I am not choosing someone else over them, and it’s important that I focus on my relationship with my husband and show self care. The pressure I put on myself sometimes is tough and I’m slowly getting better, but I do feel like I have to be reminded.