Picky Eater

I’ve read many blogs for advice about picky eaters and although I can relate, I also can’t. Some advice say if your child doesn’t like the food that they have to wait and offer again at the next meal or until they’ve eaten it all. Basically they’re so starving they’ll eat whatever. Umm not my thing, sorry I don’t believe in forcing them to eat. Another one says to keep offering the foods they don’t like because eventually they might like it. I definitely agree that children, especially young toddlers, palettes do change so maybe they will like it another time. However, I also don’t like wasting food, or having to cook a separate meal because they won’t eat it and it’s the 4th time. I also follow a parenting model that pretty much tells you to treat your children with respect, and that means just because they’re a child if they’re expressing a need or a want I don’t believe in trying to change their mind or think it’s not important. I listen and try to treat them just as any other person. When my oldest daughter began her “picky phase” I have gone through many many battles and I am still trying my best to figure it out, while doing my best to listening to how she feels. Her picky eating has definitely been on the top of my list of challenges. Because to most you’d think she was a terrific eater, she loves certain veggies and almost all fruit. But, she doesn’t like sauces, except spaghetti sauce, and that has to be a certain kind, she doesn’t like most meats. And she is very texture sensitive so she doesn’t like food mixed together or touching. Sometimes I sneak veggies into her spaghetti sauce, which has been successful, except when I put peas in. She loves peas, but refused her dinner one night because peas were mixed into her food- touching the other food. I spent 20 min picking them all out and then she ate that night. I really do try very hard to be respectful of her wishes, and not get angry, but when I grew up wasting food was not ok. I’m sure this is because my grandparents grew up in the depression, when food was scarce and you really had to eat what you could. Which then made my parents see food much differently. So when I had any meal I was made to eat it, all of it and no complaints. For the most part I don’t remember that being an issue, I don’t think I was a picky eater. Except for frozen Brussels Sprouts, even though I was allowed to wash it down with a spoon full of Mayo (yuck), I always tried to sneak it in my napkin, because even the dog wouldn’t eat it. So changing my mindset to be respectful of my daughter’s picky food habits is difficult. Today was another difficult day for me. She likes a broccoli quiche that we buy at the store. So I attempted to bake a homemade version. First attempt, too much broccoli she said. Second attempt I took out the broccoli, now it’s too cheesy. I kinda flipped out, because while she was waiting for it to cook she was eating handfuls of the same cheese I baked inside the quiche! I even made the crust from scratch- which she said she liked on the first attempt. My husband kind of gave me the look, like please don’t freak out, it’s another one of her picky moments. And I knew I should have just said ok, but I failed again and let out a big growl of complaints…”you never eat anything, I spent time on this just for you…”. But I’m sure all she heard was, “blah blah blah, rant rant rant!”Now I feel bad, she didn’t ask me to make it, I should have just stuck to the one she likes, save me the time. But I guess I was just hoping to get that satisfied feeling of feeding my kids a home cooked meal by me. The hard part about parenting is keeping our own emotions in check. I suppose it’s one thing to let them have their feelings, but it’s not for my own. I suppose it is, but you don’t want to stress them out and make them feel guilty for something that’s not their fault. My challenge is that instead of accepting someone’s faults or differences I’m always trying to change them, or think of ways to “fix” it. And most of the time I really have to learn that I can’t change anything. I mean unless those changes are for myself. Otherwise, I have to learn to bend, mold, and move with the punches. Because I’m not in control of others and never will be. So while I can attempt things and if for my own pleasure I want to cook something or try something, I need to understand who am I doing this for and did they ask for it, did they want it? Well then maybe I won’t be as disappointed. It’s impossible to never be disappointed, but I have to learn if I want to help my own children understand disappointment, then my responses are watched and seen as the correct response. Which today, was not how I should have taught her to respond. Another day another lesson. Hugs to you mamas out there, the struggle is real.