Potty Training
There are half a million tips and “tricks” for what worked and what really didn’t work for everyone’s kid. And many reasons to potty train, majority being daycare. And let’s face it, you may not want to continue spending $100 a month on diapers till the age of 5. To start off I am not a doctor, nurse or any kind of medical professional. Simply put, I am a mom of three kids with a new two year old and already I am getting the infamous “have you started potty training yet?”. And to be honest I don’t know if I am going to, or at least not like I did for my other two. I’m very fortunate and do not have a preschool or daycare that charges extra or requires me to have my children potty trained. And I can only imagine the stress and struggles for that.
My first child was the “test” because, simply put, it was our first kid and we had no idea what we were doing. But we did get so many judgements, tips and “suggestions” about how to raise our child. Not to mention side comments from family - “Oh, she isn’t potty trained yet?” “Wow!” “You need to get on that, she should know that already!”. First of all, says who? Now listen, I didn’t feel that way at first. I felt the pressure and it hurt, I hated the judgment and side comments so I did all the tricks and tips to get her potty trained. We bought the famous singing potty, we rewarded her when she sat on it, we got books, and we showed her how to use it. But it wasn’t that simple. And I know you have heard so many others say- “well my child learned in a weekend.” Well, good for you! Eventually when my daughter was three she did learn to use the potty, but on her own terms. And pooping was an entirely different situation. She actually didn’t do that on her own until her friend did it. Talk about following your peers! So we did get lucky in the sense that it wasn’t too much of a struggle and she did catch on pretty quick.
My second child, I assumed would be easier. She will just copy her sister! Boom, done! Well, no. She was not into that, plus we didn’t have very many situations to copy peers because this little one turned two in April of 2020…peek of Covid. Amongst so many other downfalls, I put potty training to rest. But she had no desire to go into the potty. It wasn’t until about 3 1/2 that I finally had the conversation with her doctor about how to get her to want to go potty. She isn’t excited at all about it and we do want her to be able to use the potty when she starts preschool in a few months. It’s not necessary, but I’d like her to be using the potty by then. And that’s when I was given the second best advice (in my opinion). When you’re ready you need to go all in, or it won’t happen. And that only pertains to my second child, not everyone else’s child. Because the first, and most important advice or opinion to me is, ALL KIDS ARE DIFFERENT AND READY IN THEIR OWN TIME. I knew my second was physically ready and mentally ready to use the potty. She had done it many times no problem. But she liked being in diapers, it was her comfort and she had no desire to change. So our doctor said, if you think she is able to do it and you’re ready to be done then you have to commit and be done. I do not recommend this for everyone, because all kids are different. And every situation is different. But, it did work for her when it came to going to the potty. When she knew there weren’t anymore diapers for the day time she went ahead and went potty. We did however wait to stop the night time diapers and that didn’t happen until she was about 4. The trouble I had and I really had a hard time with teaching her to go number two. I’m only sharing all these details in hopes it might help you, or you just want to know you’re not the only one who struggled with it! But no matter what I did, I could not get her to poop in the potty, and it was hard. She would cry and scream and it was awful. And I didn’t know what to do. She had been going pee for months and just refused to even try number two. I’m talking rewards, prizes, treats you name it, no. One day I was like, “well our doctor said if I think she is capable and I’m done then I need to commit to it.” So I decided, I’m done. We need her to go in the potty. Well it was not that simple. She was so upset and screaming and then she held her poop. She refused to go but I knew she had to go and she started to cry. And I lost it, I did what you never should do, ever. I got mad, I yelled! I made it so much worse. But then, thank goodness my mama instinct came back to me. She is scared. She knows how and I know she can do this, but she is scared. So I said let’s do this together. I grabbed some books and while she sat on the potty I read to her. I read three books and by the time we were done, she did it! She actually pooped in the potty! Now did she just magically start pooping in the potty? No, we had about a week of struggling. She was still scared and afraid to try so we had to wait until she had to go and couldn’t hold it anymore. And then we would sit together and read books so she was calm and comforted. And then it got easier each time. Some people might cringe at my story and say, “You’re a horrible mom!” “Why would you put her through that?” I honestly did my best and I was happy I figured out how to support her so that while she was learning she was comforted and knew I was there for her. Simply put, potty training sucks. And we all do it the best way we can.
So now it’s my third child’s “turn” and I know what you’re thinking, what are you going to do now? What are your tips? Well, honestly I don’t know? Why? Because every kid is different. He might show interest and want to do it right away, so if he does great. Or he might say no way, not ready, and I’m ok with that. Now at this time in my life I’m over all the judgment and I just want to make this a smooth supportive experience for him. All the “Karen’s” and family members with their opinions can go take a jog the next time they give me a hard time or a rude comment. It sucks we have to be subjected to so much negativity and less support. I don’t need your opinion and you don’t need mine. But I do see you all trying and all of you are doing your best, so you want my tips here you go:
1. Don’t give two F’s what so and so’s kid did and when. You will know when they’re ready
2. If you have to potty train for preschool or daycare and that’s your only option, then that’s your only option, you’re doing your best F off everyone else! There are so many different ways and resources pick the one that’s less stress on you and don’t be afraid to ask your provider for tips too. They’ve been doing it for a long time and are there when you’re not so go with it. And be easy on your child and yourself. Sometimes they really are just not ready, so you’re going to have accidents. Like I said if you have to do it now, find ways to make the mistakes easy so your child feels supported. Packing lots of extra clothes, different kinds of potty pants (let them pick some) and maybe letting them take a break at home. Don’t feel like you can’t enjoy your days off because of potty training. But hey, again these are my opinions, you do you!
3. If you don’t have to potty train, then don’t. Wait until they show interest and let them lead it. If you notice two year olds have so many power struggles. They want to have some control over their life and understandably so. So let them lead the way and support them. You’re their coach!
4. If you’re over it and you know they know how to do it, like I did with my second. You might have to put your foot down. But that doesn’t mean you can’t support them during the process. I had to learn that. I might be over it but I still needed to support her, find a way to make this possible. Reading a book has always helped her calm down and that helped us a lot. Try what works for your child. Maybe there is a fun game they like or some kind of coloring they can do. Try it all!
5. Be easy on yourselves, yes although it feels like forever and never ending, we all learn to go poop and pee in the potty. It will happen. Don’t worry!
6. You’re a good parent, don’t be so hard on yourselves and seriously take a break and enjoy your kid. When times get tough, and they will, it’s ok to step back and take a break. Tomorrow is another day. Find your resources, talk to other care providers if you really can’t do it. We need to be the advocate for our kids. And forcing them isn’t going to work. We all do things in our own time.
So there you have it, my potty training advice/ non advice! I see you and I hear you, we are all going through it one way or another. And I guarantee you I will need to re-read my own article when I have moments of potty training stress for my third child! No one is an expert, because all kids are different. And pooping and peeing in the potty doesn’t reflect their success in life or your success as a parent. Loving and supporting your child does.
